Confession

I have a bit of a confession to make. You see, I don't really feel that I deserve the paycheck that I get every month. Now that's not to say that I don't enjoy getting it, or that I won't enjoy spending it, but the fact of the matter is, that I don't work very hard.

Let me give you an example. Today is Friday. I had 3 classes this morning, which ended at 11:40 am. Then, I went to the bank to make a transfer payment (it's acceptable to go to the bank here during working hours because they close at 3 pm every day). Then, I came back to school and tried to comfort this random girl that was crying in the hallway. That's kind of hard to do when you can't understand each other, but I tried. Fortunately, the school nurse came along, and helped me get her into the nurse's office. I had been trying to get her to do this, because I figure she'd rather sit and cry where no one can see her, than stand and cry and have everyone walk by her (the bell was about to ring). But, I digress...

Anyhow, after I got back, I checked my email, and had lunch. Now it's 1:10 pm, and I have nothing to do for the rest of the day. But I have to stay here until 4:15 pm. I already planned my lessons for next week, and have offered help with additional classes and such, but no one needs my help. So, basically, I just sit at my desk and try to look busy. Sometimes I try to study Japanese, but that usually leads me to fall asleep (and that's rather poor form, since all the other teachers are so busy). The rest of the time, I surf the internet. Sometimes I wish that I had a desk set up so that my back faced the wall. Then I could bring in my laptop and play video games. This is a typical day for me. Sometimes, I get lucky and the classes get cancelled, and then I really have nothing to do. I guess there are worse things than "having nothing to do" ("having too much to do" comes to mind), but I just thought I'd let the rest of you in on my day-to-day life. What's really funny is that the other teachers are so polite, and worried about interrupting me when they come over to talk to me. Why haven't I kept up to date on posts, you ask? Simple, all my pictures are on my laptop at home, and by the time I get home the last thing I want to do is spend any more time on my computer.

The time that I do spend actually working are usually pretty intense, though, so I guess that might make up for it. About a third of the time I spend trying to get the kids to talk, and another third of the time I'm trying to get them to shut up and/or do the activity properly and/or in English. Surprisingly, these activities don't take very much time if they cheat and speak in Japanese; that's when I bring out my new secret weapon "Mr. Eraser" (or Eraser-san) who despises Japanese, and will erase any schoolwork accomplished via Japanese. [On a completely unrelated side note, I recently found out that here they call Winnie the Pooh Pooh-san] The rest of the time I'm being the "genki gaijin" (that's "foreign person with a lot of energy who acts wild and crazy to get the kids excited about English" to you non-understanding-Japanese folks).

I'll give you an example of "trying to get the kids to talk" (mainly because it's funny, and I still have nothing to do). It's kind of a running joke between myself and Lisa, that teaching English is kind of like being the host to "Celebrity Jeopardy" on Saturday Night Live. For those of you not familiar with the skit, Alex Trebek (the host) is trying to get the celebrity contestants to answer jeopardy questions. The 'twist' is that the celebrities are really stupid and can never answer anything. What makes the skit funny is what Alex says/does to try to get the contestants to answer correctly. This leads to lines such as "...and the final jeopardy answer is: 'where are you right now'? You can answer anything, like 'here' or 'inside' and you will be right!" The contestants still can never get the answer. Anyhow, back to me: I employ a lot of standing games, such that the students must all stand (they hate that) and if they get an answer right, they can sit down (they like that a lot; sitting, not answering questions). So one day, I was teaching "How many" to the kids. One of the questions was:

"How many pens do you have?"

(complete silence)

"How many" (me pointing to the Japanese translation of "how many" on the board) "pens" (me holding up a pen) "do you" (pointing to them) "have"?

(I hear nothing but crickets in the background)

"I have" (pointing to my nose, because that's how Japanese people mimic "I") "3 pens" (show them my pens). "How many pens do you have?" (same actions as before).

(a tumbleweed rolls by)

"Okay, Ms. Hirose (Japanese teacher). How many pens do YOU have?" (same actions as before). She answers "I have 1 pen". "Okay, very good. You have ONE pen. How many pens do YOU have?" (with actions)

(more crickets, students look either at their feet, or right at me with the deer-in-the-headlights look)

"You can say ANY number. I don't know how many pens you have, so if you say anything, you will be right."

(blank stares)

"Please say a number. Please say ANY number."

(the crickets and tumbleweeds start fighting in the background)

At this point, I care more about moving on with the class. "Okay, let's pretend you have one pen. Please say 'I have one pen'" (usually at this point they're happy, becasue they can understand 'please say ______', but for some reason it's just not happening today).

At this point I realize that I am seriously overpaid (becasue the kids can't understand 'how many'), and that my day is ruined. So, I walk over to one of the students, open their pencil case, and pull out all their pens. Then I count the pens in front of them "1, 2, 3, 4. You have 4 pens. Please repeat after me."

Student: "U havu... ... ..."

Me: (at this point I'm so happy they're responding that I don't care they're saying "You have" instead of "I have"). "four pens"

Student: "foo... ... ..."

Me: "pens"

Student "pensu"

Me: "Very good, 'You have four pens'" (hold my hand out to the student, as though I want them to repeat it one more time).

Student: (sits down, looks very relieved).

At this point I begin to wonder why the Japanese government pays us to fly here and try to teach these kids English. Not that I'm complaining, but if they didn't hire any of us, it'd probably help with their recession.

Okay, so that's probably enough for today. Just so you all know, it's now almost 2 pm, and I'm basically just waiting for the clock to hit 4:15 pm so I can go home, and get ready for tonight.

Take it easy (I know I will),