Contrary to your misconception, I'm not a complete moron.

So I thought I'd post a humorous story after that last one.

The school I'm at recently had their December exams. After offering to help design, administer, and pretty much do anything to help with the whole test-thing multiple times, I was finally taken up on my offer by the ninensei-senseis (equivalent to 8th grade teachers). After a confusing conversation where Ms. Hirose (8th grade teacher #1) asked me to give her something she was holding in her hands (I'm still having trouble understanding exactly what that conversation was about) she asked me to help administer the test. Basically, she wanted to use me as a human tape-recorder for the verbal comprehension part of the test. I was to say stuff, and the students were supposed to write answers based on what I said. So, Ms. Hirose gave me a copy of the test, and asked me to read it (for practice) in front of her.

The first part was fill-in-the-blanks, and one of the questions looked something like this:
We went to the park ________.
Easy enough. I read the sentence, and the students fill in the blank. So, during our trial run, I just made up words to go into the blanks (seeing as I didn't have the answers). I must have guessed right on the first two, but after saying the third one, Ms. Hirose cut me off, and said "Excuse me, Louis-sensei, but this is not the right answer. You must say the right answer so that the students can put it on their sheets." I tried to explain that I did not know the answers, so it was kind of hard for me to do. So, she agreed to tell me the answers, which I proceeded to write down on the sheet. While I was doing this, she said "Excuse me, Louis-sensei (Japanese people are always extremely polite) but these are the answers to the test. They are secret. You must not show them to the students." I tried to assure her that I understood that if you give the students the answers before-hand, or let them copy from the answer sheet, then the whole point of the test is ruined. But, she felt it was absoluetly necessary to remind me of the fact that the answers were secret THREE MORE TIMES!

Okay, fine, maybe she's just worried about the whole communication gap thing. Whatever, let it go. Then (even though it's in plain writing on my agenda) she points out when the test is, and says: "...so, you must be here during the test". Yes, I understand, if I am to dictate answers to the students, it will be important that I physically be in the same room as the students, as instantaneous transporter technology is not yet readily avaliable to the general public. I have to be in the room during the test. I get it. She then went on to emphasize this point to me THREE MORE TIMES! "...Louis-sensei, you MUST be here for the test. You MUST. It is very important that you MUST be here". Yeah, okay, I GET IT! This, by the way, is besides the fact that I spend the vast majority of my time at the office (while not relieving myself, getting water, or teaching) just sitting at my desk doing nothing (or rather 2 desks over on this computer), so it wouldn't take a friggin' genius to track me down if I suddenly came down with a severe case of "I'm a friggin' moron, and I need to be told that to administer a test, I must actually be present at the test, and not give the answers to the students" syndrome.

Anyhow, so the day of the test comes around, and Ms. Hirose is talking to Ms. Sudo (8th grade teacher #2) in Japanese (you think they'd spend some time talking in English, seeing as they're both English teachers, but nope! The only time they speak English is out of necessity to me, or in class (though hardly ever in class)). I can tell they're arguing about something. Then Ms. Sudo finally turns to me and says "So, Louis-sensei, you know that this sheet (meaning the answer sheet) is secret?". I lost it, and gave her a pile-driver, followed by a drop-kick. She went down like a sack of potatoes. It was really embarrassing.

The good news, though, is that the tests went off without a hitch!

On a completely unrelated note, I think I have discovered why Japanese people are obsessed with crime (despite the fact that Japan has one of the lowest crime rates in the world). Every night on the news, the only thing that gets covered is whatever crime happened that day (or a natural disaster, if one occurred). It's really sad; the networks probably do it to boost ratings, but they leave people afraid of criminals in a country that is relatively criminal-free.